got to sit in on a session with Bangladesh. i never thought I’d ever meet one of my own top 5. crazy world.

i went ham this week. like kanye-west-5-beats-a-day-for-3-summers ham. The result was getting records on a bunch of artists whose music I enjoy, and the chance to possibly develop something new. 

But I’m exhausted. This is the downside to can’t-stop-won’t-stopping it. I dragged my feet everywhere. I could barely think. Even typing this… being articulate feels like a chore. My usual wide-eyed (as much as I can “wide eye”) trips to the Korean grocery felt like some kind of coldy-illuminated purgatory of seafood behind windows and frozen dumplings. what the hell is wrong with me?

I sometimes wonder if it’s because in my head, I’ve already committed to the idea of succeeding. I don’t know if it’s because I’d actually fall apart if I believed otherwise or that I’d be crushed having actually calculated the probability of my success (or failure), but when I see future James, he’s handling his bidness.

God, I hope I’m right. There are times when I feel like I’m overcome with crushing despair and times where I feel like I’m flying. I’m aware of the spectrum, but still I’m never settled in a grounded, centered view of things.  When i see future james, I’m daydreaming about getting out of the present. But trying to spend time there and in the real world where shit’s tough, my bills are stuntin on my wallet, and my beats are coming out just kinda good…that’s tough. I always try to mentally envision the gap between these two dimensions… maybe I’d find a clue as to how I could transform one into the other. But I guess that transformation is life… and time… and the whole process of always wondering what tomorrow may bring.

But I’m cool right now. Maybe getting records on people is the only thrill I know. I felt like I worked on something diligently, and it sounded like I was making beats like I loved it again. The maschine brought me back to trying new shit… or really turning what I’ve already been doing into a science.

I feel like January was double all the progress I made last year. I felt like.. I got into a good spot networking-wise and professionally, but I hit a plateau with beats. Talk about purgatory. Now it’s 2012… I’m overwhelmingly excited about the caliber of artists in our company. Ty$’s dropping, BJ’s dropping, Tiff’s dropping, iggy’s dropping, as well as some artists I’m not allowed to mention at the moment… 

I hope I get to see something that changes me this year. Right now I feel like I’m standing on the cusp. drug$.

@tydollasign

@bobbybrackins

@illcamille

@bxtchimgizzle

@thelaurasweeney

gettin records on everyone this year.